Always a Bridesmaid...

I have been in at least one wedding a year for the past 3 years, and this year will be in another. It's been fun. There really is nothing quite like the hustle and bustle of getting ready for a wedding, and it is a great honor to be asked to be a bride's maid or maid of honor for a friend on what is sure to be one of the single most important days of her life.

When I told my mother that one more of my friends was getting hitched, and that she had asked me to be in the wedding, she got that sympathetic "mom look" and said, "does it bother you that most of your close friends are getting married and you're still single?"

When I mentioned to another friend that I had accepted to be in another wedding, their response was, " Man, you're gonna be like that girl in the movie 27 Dresses!" 

Ha...gee thanks!

I will admit, sometimes it does get nerve wracking being one of the only single gals left in my little circle of friends. Ok. I'll be honest. It can be VERY nerve wracking. If I had a dollar for every time someone came up to me at the last wedding I was in and said, "When are you gonna get married?" or came and patted me on the shoulder and said, "Don't worry honey, your turn will come soon enough"....I would be quite wealthy. 

I'm 23. Hardly an old maid. I hate that everyone assumes that just because I'm unattached that this makes me, by default, unhappy and lonely. Or that I'm on constant lookout for a husband, so everyone tries to fix me up with their friends or friends of friends.

Yes, sometimes I do get lonely. Yes, sometimes I do feel sad, but this does NOT make me desperate. No, I do not want to date your 3rd cousin by marriage who has a prison record. Neither do I want to be introduced to your 40 year old uncle with a bald spot. In the words of Delta Burke, " I don't like to be labeled as lonely just because I am alone."

I am single because I choose to be single. Yes, I heard that collective gasp. You can close your mouth now. Truthfully,  in the last couple of years I have had a few guys that have expressed interest, and I've even gone on a few dates with them. But...there were no fireworks. Call me stupid if you want, call it living in a dream world...but me? I need fireworks.

I've experienced it before, the instant connection with another human being. The very first time you talk to this person, it's thrilling, even if you're only friends, because the chemistry is electric and you know that this is going to turn into something more. 

I love being in love. It's fun and I've never felt more alive than when I loved someone with everything, and was pretty sure he felt the same way. But, as of yet, I haven't been able to find anyone that has been able to make me feel this way again. And so, I remain...single. And you know what? It's ok. 

"No, I don't have a boyfriend. No, I don't need a boyfriend. I am enough. And I am complete just the way I am. I choose to be single, just like I choose to not listen to people who make marriage seem like the only possible pinnacle a life can have." - Lauren Rohrer