Learned Right

On this day 26 years ago...a red skinned little girl with a head full of thick black hair was born. Can you guess who this little rascal was? Ok, ok...I know ya'll all know it was me. Ha.

Yes...today is my Birthday...

I must admit that it feels a little strange to think that I'm on the downward slope of my 20s. At the risk of sounding incredibly cliched, I must ask the question..."Where has the time gone?" So much has happened in the last 6 years....It's been a long process, but I can say that maybe, just maybe...I'm finally settling into...well...Me.

Trust and believe I'm still growing and changing as an individual....I still have moments of intense dislike with who I am or how things are going...but thankfully, these moments are getting shorter and shorter each time they sneak up on me. Overall I'm amazed at the goodness of my life.

Also! I'm pleased to say that I have been able to cross 3 things off of my 30 Before 30 bucket list! Yes...I must say that 25 was good to me. It's been a whirlwind of a year and I've accomplished some very significant things. All glory goes to the LORD. Without him I wouldn't have been able to do any of it.

I'm happy, content, and glad to be celebrating another birthday.

I'm glad that my life has been filled with wonderful people like you, dear followers. Thank you for the encouragement over this last year and the prayers.

Enjoy this song from Brave...it's light and it makes me smile....because scars are healing and even when I've done wrong...I've been put right.

13 Days & The Waiting Room

Happy May Blog Land!

It's only 9 something in the morning and it's already a balmy 63 degrees! The windows are open in our apartment and I can literally hear the birds chirping. The chow wagon is in full gear down on the river front, and signs on the interstate are pointing the way to Churchill Downs. It's starting to look a lot like Derby time and feel a lot like summer. Love it!

Since it's May 1st that means.....only 13 more days until I graduate! It will be here before I realize it. This is my last normal week of classes with next week being Finals week. I can honestly say I have no worries about them.

My interview with the LBA went really well and the guy I met with has already sent my resume to 2 different law firms. Unfortunately, they are for receptionist positions, not paralegal positions. However, since I'm lacking in experience, I have to be willing to take what is available to get my foot in the door. Beggars can't be choosers.

In other Wonderland news...

Have you ever noticed that some of the most difficult times in your life are not when things are going wrong, but when you're waiting for something to happen? It's like you're in this huge waiting room and the only person who can move you through the room is God. And there is no rushing Him.

I have been waiting on something for a very long time. I've fought with myself, fought with God, bargained with Him, gotten angry, tried to fix and redeem situations, worn myself out trying to fix them, and finally surrendered to God's timing. I've gone through this same scenario not once, not twice, but probably at least 100 times. And I'm going through it again. The hardest thing when you've received a promise from God is waiting for it happen. And so often we try to "help" Him out by trying to manipulate events and people. Only to be rudely reminded that God absolutely cannot be manipulated.

I think that one of the most difficult things to do is to place God's Will ABOVE my human emotions. In a word...Restraint. Our pastor taught a wonderful lesson about Joseph and the restraint he practiced when his brothers came down to Egypt. In essence, he placed God's Will above his desire to immediately reveal himself to his brothers because they still had a lesson to learn.

Even though God's waiting room is a difficult and often frustrating place to be, I know that when I receive what He has promised it will have been well worth the wait.

Food for thought, eh?

He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.         -Ecclesiastes 3:11

The End and Christmas

Let the singing of the Hallelujah Chorus commence! The semester is officially over! I got an A on the Civil Procedure final and a B on the Tort Final. Not too shabby!

It's an enormous relief. Looking back, the semester seems to have flown by. But while I was in the midst of it, it seemed like it would never end. The most exciting thing is that when the next semester starts in January, it will be the beginning of the end! My last semester ever! Hallelujah indeed!

It's now exactly one week before Christmas and I feel like I can finally get into the Christmas spirit. In honor of the end of the semester and Christmas, I present for your consideration, one of my my favorite Christmas songs...It always makes me cry every time I hear it.

A Little Reflecting

Things have been stressful, to say the least, for the last few weeks in Wonderland. Make that the last month. Not much has changed, but for the moment, my outlook has.

I'm feeling pretty positive and have enjoyed my day quite a lot. As I was having my prayer time this morning, a feeling of absolute peace and joy swept over me. I was SO happy to have the ability to go to a quiet place and  pour out my worries and fears to the LORD. No, the situations won't change immediately, but there is great relief in rolling over some of the heaviness of the cares of this life onto more able shoulders.

Oddly enough, while I was at the gym earlier, that same feeling of peace and joy came over me again. There I was sweating it out on the elliptical and I was all of a sudden aware of God's presence in my life.

At a time when lately my days have been filled with a lot of anxiety and stress, these little moments are like little drops of ice cold water running down my throat...giving me that extra little push I need to make it through the rest of the day.

Life is mountains and valleys. Tomorrow may be a day when I'm completely overwhelmed and cannot find or feel God no matter how hard I try. Being able to remember that just a day before I was so aware of Him makes those dark places a little more bearable. Just because I can't feel God at the moment, doesn't mean he's not there.

Food for thought Blog Land!

25 Lessons in 25 Years

I was not looking forward to today as it marks my 25th birthday. I have always thought that it's all downhill after you hit this age. However, my perspective on this was altered by a quote that I found while browsing Pinterest.

"Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many"

Puts things into perspective doesn't it? So, I'm thankful that God's mercy and grace has seen me through to another birthday! 

So, to celebrate in Blog Land, I will do what I love...making lists...ha. I'm going to share with you The 25 Things I've Learned in 25 years. 

1. Women are the most resilient creatures that God created.

2. Pooting never ceases to be funny...

3. The most hilarious things happen in the middle of the sermon at church...when you cannot laugh.

4. Being extremely analytical is a blessing and a curse.

5. Over thinking can ruin something in .5 seconds flat.

6. You are never too old to stop learning.

7. You will outgrow some of the friends you've known since Kindergarten...and that's ok.

8. Hell really does have no fury like a woman scorned.

9. Waiting on God is not passive. It is active.

10. Some lessons have to be learned the hard way.

11. Books are precious things.

12. Parents who make everything easy for their kids now are handicapping their future.

13. Having a few close friends is better than being Ms. Popularity.

14. If someone you trust is telling you another person's "secrets", chances are they're telling someone else yours.

15. Sometimes love is fireworks...at other times...it comes softly.

16. Friendship is the most important foundation of a romantic relationship.

17. The world does not revolve around me.

18. It is absolutely, 100% ok to cry.

19. Faith in God also means faith in His timing.

20. It's ok to have high standards when it comes to the men.

21. Coffee is a precious gift from above.

22. I can do ALL things through Christ.

23. It will take a brave man to love me.

24. Music is the language of our deepest feelings.

25. Quoting from the book Captivating...I used to feel this way, " I am not enough and I'm too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy,  too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy. " However, I have learned that through Jesus Christ...I AM ENOUGH. 

*Quote taken from Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge

Musings on a Famous Lady

In continuing my study in the book of Ruth, I came across an interesting statement in the devotional book I'm reading. I think it's safe to say that we are all familiar, if only vaguely, with the concept of the Virtuous Woman so thoroughly described in Proverbs 31. According to my devotional, the only other mention of a virtuous woman, is found in Boaz's description of Ruth in Ruth chapter 3.

I think it is also safe for me to assume that most of us are familiar with Ruth's story as well. Her declaration to her mother-in-law, Naomi, of "where you go I go..." is well known, even in the secular world.

I've read Proverbs 31: 10-31 many times, but have always thought of it as good advice to save for later when I'm actually a wife. However, my study today encouraged me to break down the activities in which this Virtuous Woman was engaged, based on the following categories: Relational Duties, Household Duties, Business Duties, and Devotional Duties. As I read through the passage again, with the above categories in mind, I was surprised as to how many ways I see that I can apply these virtues to my every day life NOW. Not just in the future when I'm someones wife. These are a few of my favorite verses from the chapter:

V. 25- Strength and honour [are] her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

V. 26- She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue [is] the law of kindness.

V. 27- She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

V. 30- Favour [is] deceitful, and beauty [is] vain: [but] a woman [that] feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.

This woman is a busy lady. As women today juggle the demands of raising kids and working, and as those of us who are not even yet married walk through our sometimes too busy lives, we share a common goal in our busy-ness, and that is to be the Bride of Jesus Christ Himself. 

In the most mundane of days and in the busiest of days, the Proverbs 31 Woman is clothed with strength and honor. The Bible teaches us that out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. Verse 26 says clearly that when she opens her mouth, wisdom flows from it and her tongue practices kindness. So that tells me that in spite of the busy-ness of life itself, she is still making time to maintain closeness with God. The Bible also teaches us that the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked...no one can know it. If kindness and wisdom are coming from her mouth, it is because the LORD's wisdom and love are filling her heart. The love of Jesus cannot overflow from your heart and out of your mouth unless you're spending time with in prayer and in the study of His Word.

Verse 16 says, " She considers a field and buys it." This tells me that her decisions are carefully considered and prayerfully made. 

Verse 20 says, " she stretches her hands to the poor, she reaches her hands to the needy." She is not so wrapped up in her own life, the she is unaware and  complacent towards the needs of others. 

I know that for me, these are areas that I can work on. I want my decisions to be more carefully considered and God led, no matter how trivial they may seem. I want to fulfill the promises that I make to pray for others and their needs. I want to reach out and be of service, even if doing so takes me out of my comfort zone. Lastly, I want be so filled with the love of Jesus that His light shines through me and that his love is ever present in the thoughts that I think towards others and the the words that I speak to them, as well. 

Well, ladies of Blog Land...those are my humble musings on the Virtuous Woman. I encourage each of you to read Proverbs 31: 10-31 again for yourselves. Grab a piece of paper and write down the 4 categories I mentioned earlier, and then break down the Virtuous Woman's actions accordingly. Consider what areas in your life you can be more like her. I know I have a lot of work to do!

I would love to hear which verses from this chapter are your favorites and why.

To my male readers...remember...all scripture is applicable to all of us...it won't hurt you to read this chapter either. Ha.

I look forward to hearing from you all in the comments section of the post.

Happy Reading! 

* All scriptures are taken from the King James Version.
** Study and category references are taken from Living Beautifully: A study in the Books of Ruth and Esther. By Lenya Hetzig and Penny Rose. 

Risky Business

Good Morning Blog Land! It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood!

I can't believe that it's only 6:30 and I'm already up. I did go to bed ridiculously early last night though, so when 5:30 rolled around this morning my body was ready to get the day started. LoL.

I've been doing a study on Ruth for the past month, using a wonderful daily bible study book called Living Beautifully. I absolutely love the layout of the book because you're not just reading, but interacting, journaling, looking up scriptures, formulating responses to some very thought provoking questions.

The name of today's study was Risk Taker. It was talking about how Ruth, in obeying her mother in law, Naomi, in going to Boaz at the threshing floor risked her reputation, as well as her emotional and physical well-being. Going in to a man and lying at his feet was something that really only prostitutes did. If she had been discovered by anyone besides Boaz, her reputation would have been forever tarnished and perhaps irredeemable. She risked her emotional well being by opening herself up to rejection from Boaz. She risked her physical well being because if he had rejected her, he may have barred her from continuing to glean in his fields, which would have had a profound effect on both Ruth and Naomi's physical well-being.

What can we give a God who already has everything? Our obedience. And sometimes, to obey God immediately, completely, and cheerfully is to take great risk. The word risk is defined as a possibility of loss or injury; peril; a dangerous element or factor. 


Sometimes it is easier to stay in the position we are currently in than to jump out of our comfort zone and risk losing something or someone. It has been my own personal experience that the times that I have taken a risk, and obeyed God, unbelievable blessings have followed that choice. Sometimes God asks us to risk what we have, so that he can give us something better.

Take a moment and answer these questions...
- I wish I had .......
- I will never regret .......
- I'm going to risk ........

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool

To weep is to risk appearing sentimental

To expose feelings is to risk exposing our true self

To love is to risk not being loved in return

To live is to risk dying

To hope is to risk despair

To try at all is risk failure

But risk we must, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. The man, the woman, who risks nothing does nothing, has nothing, is nothing. 

- Anonymous

** Quotes and questions taken from:

 Living Beautifully: A Study in the Books of Ruth and Esther. By Lenya Hetzig & Penny Rose.

QuirkyAlone

I have finally figured out what I am. I am a quirkyalone.

Nope...that's not a typo...let me help you out with the official definition.

Quirkyalone: n. adj. a person who enjoys being single (but is not opposed to being in a relationship) and prefers being single to dating for the sake of dating. It’s a mindset. Quirkyalone is not anti-love. It is pro-love. It is not anti-dating. It is anti-compulsory dating. 

The idea of quirkyalone was invented by a woman named Sasha Cagen. She has written a book and has a website. The Quirkyalone movement began with a simple essay. 


Now, to many of my readers this post may seem like it came out of the clear-blue sky. I'm not one to talk much about my love life...or rather the lack there-of...at least not on the World Wide Web. However, as my 25th birthday rapidly approaches, I have become increasingly aware that well...I'm alone. A few of my closest friends have been among the unfortunate set of people whose phones have been plaugued with "woe-is me, I'm alone" text messages over the last week. 

Now just to clarify...I'm usually pretty content with my single-hood. But...well...we all have our moments...or weeks. Ha. If there's anything that I hate, it's that feeling of discontentment with things as the are, yet an inability to change things. I have been told on numerous occassions, "Well, why don't you get out there just to date around." Um...because...that's a waste of my time? Duh. What's the point in dating just for the sake of dating? I don't like the idea. And sometimes...as much I hate going home after an evening out with friends to an empty apartment...I would prefer that to dating someone that I merely tolerate just because I don't want to be alone. 


It's a weird existence. A Catch-22 of sorts. The inevitable lonlieness that is a natural part of being single...and the incredible freedom of not settling either.


I would like to be in a relationship. In fact, I love being in relationships...but is it too much to want fireworks? Or at least a little bit of lightning? Ha. Nope. I think not and guess what? I won't settle for less. 


That being said, I officially dub myself a quirkyalone. 


And if Mr. Right comes along sometime soon...no one will be more surprised than me!

Below I've added the excerpt of Sasha Cagen's original essay. Pay attention...it could be you!

People Like Us: The Quirkyalones
by Sasha Cagen

I am, perhaps, what you might call deeply single. Almost never ever in a relationship. Until recently, I wondered whether there might be something weird about me. But then lonely romantics began to grace the covers of TV Guide and Mademoiselle. From Ally McBeal to Sex in the City, a spotlight came to shine on the forever single. If these shows had touched such a nerve in our culture, I began to think, perhaps I was not so alone after all.

The morning after New Year’s Eve (another kissless one, of course), a certain jumble of syllables came to me. When I told my friends about my idea, their faces lit up with instant recognition: the quirkyalone.

If Jung was right, that people are different in fundamental ways that drive them from within, then the quirkyalone is simply to be added to the pantheon of personality types assembled over the 20th century. Only now, when the idea of marrying at age 20 has become thoroughly passé, are we quirkyalones emerging in greater numbers.

We are the puzzle pieces who seldom fit with other puzzle pieces. Romantics, idealists, eccentrics, we inhabit singledom as our natural resting state. In a world where proms and marriage define the social order, we are, by force of our personalities and inner strength, rebels.

For the quirkyalone, there is no patience for dating just for the sake of not being alone. We want a miracle. Out of millions, we have to find the one who will understand.

Better to be untethered and open to possibility: living for the exhilaration of meeting someone new, of not knowing what the night will bring. We quirkyalones seek momentous meetings.

By the same token, being alone is understood as a wellspring of feeling and experience. There is a bittersweet fondness for silence. 

Sometimes, though, we wonder whether we have painted ourselves into a corner. Standards that started out high only become higher once you realize the contours of this existence. When we do find a match, we verge on obsessive—or we resist.

And so, a community of like-minded souls is essential.

Since fellow quirkyalones are not abundant (we are probably less than 5 percent of the population), I recommend reading the patron saint of solitude: German poet Rainer Maria Rilke. Even 100 years after its publication, Letters to a Young Poet still feels like it was written for us: “You should not let yourself be confused in your solitude by the fact that there is something in you that wants to break out of it,” Rilke writes. “People have (with the help of conventions) oriented all their solutions toward the easy and toward the easiest side of easy, but it is clear that we must hold to that which is difficult.”

Rilke is right. Being quirkyalone can be difficult. Everyone else is part of a couple! Still, there are advantages. No one can take our lives away by breaking up with us. Instead of sacrificing our social constellation for the one all-consuming individual, we seek empathy from friends. We have significant others.

And so, when my friend asks me whether being quirkyalone is a life sentence, I say, yes, at the core, one is always quirkyalone. But when one quirkyalone finds another, oooh la la. The earth quakes.

—From To-Do List, July 2000, and Utne Reader, September 2000.

What do you think? Could that be you too?

Waaay over in Beulah

This past Tuesday marked the one year anniversary of my Granny's death. On the one side, I can't believe it's been a year already...it seems like it happened just yesterday. And on the other side...it feels like it was a lifetime ago. 


It has definitely been strange, especially on holidays. There are still times when I say to myself, "wait until I tell Granny this". Then I remember she's gone. If there's anything that I've learned in this last year, it's that grieving is a process and that everyone grieves differently. 


Just the other day, I was cleaning out my closet and I found a journal that the grief counselor recommended I start. As I read back over it, I was amazed at the rawness of my grief and amazed at how far I've come since then. One of my favorite scripture verses is Psalm 147:3. It says, "He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds." 


As I have gone step by step through the grieving process, I have not walked alone. I have been so aware of the presence of Jesus and that has made all the difference in the world. I'm also so grateful for my closest friends who checked on me, listened to me, and prayed for me and with me. 


I miss my Granny still and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her, but I'm 100% sure that she is with Jesus...pain free...cancer free...and looking down on us with us a smile! She's walkin' in that New Jerusalem!

Pulling at My Heartstrings

Please watch this video before reading the post below.

Whew! Every single time that I watch this video I get get a catch in my throat and tears in my eyes. Aesha Mohammadzai is an amazing young woman with an amazing story that is still waiting for it's happy ending. 


What appalls me the most about this story is the fact that in the society into which she was born, such a beautiful little girl could be given to repay someone else's crime, abused for years, to the extent that the abuse resulted in the mutilation of her nose and ear. Women are so marginalaized in Afghanistan, that even years after the Taliban was overthrown, such horrors are still accepted as the norm. 


If there is anything that I can say about women, it's that we are born with a deep well of strength and resilience. The depth of which is unknown even to us until we are forced through adverse circumstances to draw from it. I'm am sure that as Aesha continues to be surrounded by a strong support system, as she continues to learn English, to read, to write; as she continues in therapy and as she eventually undergoes the reconstruction surgery....she will be able to see that she is valuable, beautiful, and important. 


Even though she has encountered such harshness in life, she exudes sweetness. How many of us can say the same? In this country we have all faced our own hardships, our own sadnesses. We are all injured in some deep emotional way, but usually, our injuries remain on the inside. Aesha's emotional scars extend from her heart to her face, yet that sweetness remains. 


What about us? Does the sweetness of Christ remain in us, despite of the hardships in life we've faced. Hmm. Food for thought.


I will never meet this young lady, but she has struck a chord in my heart. What if I had been born in Afghanistan? That could have been me. That could have been my sister, my mother, cousins, or aunts. I am once again grateful that I live in a country where freedom still exists and that I am not forced to live on the margins of society simply because I am a woman. 


 Join me blog land, in lifting up Aesha Mohammadzai in prayer everyday, for her emotional healing, peace, and physical well being as she undergoes surgery. Join me in praying for the women who remain in Afghanistan, those whose every day existence is a drudgery and a horror. 

Joy

Happy Sunday Blog Land!

I woke up with this song bubbling up in my soul! I invite you to reflect on it and enjoy as you go through this Sabbath Day!

Not a Race

Today, I performed good niece/cousin duty by taking my cousin to her orthodontics appointment this morning. As I was sitting there, swinging my foot back and forth to the christian music playing over the office speakers, a picture of a tree with a very long message underneath it, caught my eye.

Because I pretty much love the spoken and written word, it should go without saying that of course, I LOVE quotes...I mean seriously...I've only had my iPhone for about 3 weeks and I already have 4 quotes apps....Anyway...as I read this quote I hastily dug my phone out of my purse and began typing it into the note taking app.

This...is what it said...

Life is not a race--but indeed a journey. Work hard. Be choosy. Say "thank you", "I love you", and "great job!" to someone each day. Go to church. Take time for prayer. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh. Let your handshake mean more than a pen and paper. Love your life and what you've been given. It's not accidental. Search for purpose and do it as best you can. Dreaming does matter, it allows you to become that which you aspire to be. Laugh often. Appreciate the little things in life and enjoy them. Some of the best things really are free. Do not worry, less wrinkles are more becoming. Forgive--it frees the soul. Take time for yourself. Plan for longevity. Recognize the special people you've been blessed to know. Live for today. Enjoy the moment. 

~Bonnie Mohr

Take a moment...and think about that.

Divine Romance

To all the single ladies(and gentlemen) in the world, Happy Valentines Day...or as I like to call it, Happy Singles Awareness Day. Teehee. 

For many single people, today is a great and often depressing reminder of what they lack in their lives...a significant other. 

Although I can get into a depressive slump pretty easily, Valentine's Day has never sent me into such a slump. When I was younger, my sister and I always looked forward to a card and some chocolates and those nasty little hearts that are more fun to read than to eat. What are those candies made out of anyhow? Flavored chalk? Anyway. My mom and dad always made sure we had something special waiting for us. 

Nowadays, however, I'm pretty much left to my own devices for the day of loooove. Me and my bestie J, usually try to go out to lunch or dinner but this year our schedules are just too busy. So today will be like any other Tuesday for me, trying to finish up some homework before running into work. 

To those of you who may be a little sad, I encourage you to remember all the things that you do have in your life that make it fulfilling. Wouldn't you rather be happy and content alone, than in a relationship or married and miserable? I know I would. 

So let today be a reminder of the blessings you have in your life and of the love that Jesus Christ has for you. What could be better than a divine romance?!

If It's Important...

The walls at my job are full of inspirational posters...I honestly don't know why. I mean, I know why, but to at least 80% of the people there, it is just a job...a means to an end, not a long term career choice. Translation? It's not that serious. LoL.

But anyway, one of the teams actually made their own banner. It was very well put together and used beautiful  colors. It said, 

If it is important to you, you will find a way. 

If it is not important to you, then you will find an excuse.

I don't know who the originator of the quote is, but I find it to be quite true. When something really matters to you, it doesn't matter what it takes, you will find a way to make it happen. 

It reminds me of my decision to go back to school. Up until the point where I made that decision, it was not a priority for me. So, whenever people would question me about when I was going back to school, out would roll the excuses..." I don't have time. I don't have the money. I'm not ready." Blah, blah, blah. But guess what? When finishing my degree became important to me, the excuses went bye-bye. I still work full time, but I'm making the time. I applied for financial aid, and guess what? 100% of my tuition, including my books, is covered. 

I guess I said all of that to ask, "What is important to you? What are you making excuses for?" What in your life has taken the low place on the totem pole, that should be a little closer to the top? 

What do we (myself included) need to stop making excuses about and get out there and accomplish, whatever it takes?

Just a little food for thought for you, Blog Land, on this dreary Wednesday afternoon. 

The Essence of Patience

I hate waiting.


I hate the unknown.


I hate the limbo land of "not knowing".


 When we're in the midst of situations that require us to wait, that require patience from us, we pray, "Dear LORD, please give me patience". I think we expect Him to just pour a little bit of liquid patience over the bannister of heaven, and then we will automatically be filled with patience and contentment while waiting for our situations to work themselves out. Ha.


I'm finding that this is not the case. 


James chapter 1 verses 2 & 3 say, "My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations. Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience."


Hmm.


Did you catch that? What is it that works patience? Oh, right. The trying of our faith.


So, what these verses are telling me, is that, it is in the midst of the tough situations that patience is worked in us. There is no magical elixir that gets poured into us from above. There is no, "Bam!" and now you've got patience. 


Did you know that Patience has a twin sister? Her name is Trust.


Each moment in limbo-land, you can either lose your mind from worry or you can give your worries to God, and in the midst of the unknown, say, "Ok LORD, I don't know what you're doing here. But I trust that you are working this out for my good and your glory." 


In my experience, Trust is the very essence of Patience. The moment that first cold prickle of fear slides down your spine or grips your heart, that is the time to close your eyes, and say, "LORD, I trust you." 


As a person with anxiety issues, I know I must say this at least a hundred thousand times a day. The alternative is to spend my life in a perpetual anxiety attack. 


I'd rather not. 


It's difficult, and I struggle with this on a daily basis, in different aspects of my life. There is one particular circumstance that is really driving me crazy right now. But I know that God is working not just in that situation, but also in me. 


He is trying my faith and working patience in my heart, mind, and will.

“Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that is patience.”

Inception

What is the most resilient parasite? Bacteria? A virus? An intestinal worm? 

An idea. Resilient...highly contagious. Once an idea has taken hold of the brain it's almost impossible to eradicate. An idea that's fully formed...fully understood...that sticks...right in there somewhere. -Inception

The above is a brilliant quote from the 2010 movie Inception. This movie explores the human mind, the human subconscious...the dream world of the mind. It explores the possibility of a dream within a dream within a dream. 


It is ingenious writing. The most complex storyline I've ever heard. It's amazing.


What I want to explore, though, is the truth behind the quote at the beginning of this post. It was spoken by Cobb, the main character in the film. His job was as an extractor of information from people's minds. The whole premise of the film is that if information could be extracted from a subject's mind, that it can also be planted there...Inception. 


Question. How are societies changed? 


How are revolutions started?


How do people attain goals?


How do people change the direction of their lives?


It all starts with an Idea.


How did the United States of America become the United States of America? 


It started with an idea...no taxation without representation. And that idea, along with many others, caught like wild fire, until that fire gave birth to the Revolutionary War, which in turn gave birth to this great nation. 


How was racial segregation brought to an end? How did people of color in this country earn the right to vote? 


It started with an idea. The idea that although we are of African descent, although our skin is a different color, we are Americans too. That we should be able to vote. That we should be able to buy a house in whatever neighborhood we want. That our kids should be able to receive the same class of education as their white counterparts. That a man or woman of color can be president too.


It all started with an idea.


Now everybody take a long hard look at you. A long hard look at you.


What ideas have taken hold in your mind? 


Take a long, long hard look at you.


You see, I know how an idea can take hold of you. And soon, it can change everything about you. It can change the entire course of your life as you work, whether consciously or subconsciously, toward the fulfillment of that idea. 


The big question is: Is it an idea worth working toward?


Is this really an idea worth pursuing? Or is this an idea that is truly as bad and as deadly as virus that propagates unchecked? 


We are what we think about. So what ideas are circulating in your mind?


Are they positive? Negative? Consistent with how God sees you? Or based on what human beings have told you? 


Hmmm. 


Food for thought. 

The Necessary Passage

You know, World, the funny thing...or rather I should say, the ironic thing, about grief is that it doesn't kill you. Unlike like a head on car collision or a bullet to the head, you survive it, although everything within you may want to give up the ghost.

I'm borrowing and paraphrasing from one of my favorite quotes from the movie, Under the Tuscan Sun. The character was actually talking about the horror and grief that comes with going through a divorce. In the past, I've found that it applies to the break up of relationships, and I'm now finding, that it also applies to dealing with the loss of a loved one. Perhaps it applies to loss, universally.

The recent death of my Granny, has given me pause...it has made me think about the importance of the people in our lives. I have said before that, in essence, we are the sum total of our experiences. I am who I am because of what I have been through.  I'm going to take this thought a little further and suggest that I am who I am, because of the experiences I've had with people.

From the very beginning of my life, my Granny was always there. She wasn't just some distant relative whom I saw once every couple of months on holidays. She was as much of a constant in my life as my Mom and Dad. Let me tell you, I've had my doubts about a lot of things in my life, but I never once doubted that Granny loved me. Ever.

Imagine that you are a baby in the womb, and that your mother, is a concert violinist or cellist. Through the watery warmness of your nest, her morning practices on her instrument are your daily wake up calls. They lull you to sleep at night. Constantly, wherever she goes (and you go, as a result) she always has some kind of violin or cello music playing. This does not change when you are born. Constantly...always without fail, there is the sweet, haunting notes of a violin or the deep, resonant timbres of the cello. It is always there, though many times in the background only. But it is there, nonetheless. Then one day, this music is no more. Silence rushes in and grows louder than the largest orchestra. How bland life is without the sweet notes. The deep sounds. How empty. The world seems a little less beautiful for it's silence. With every fiber of your being you feel the absence of the beauty of sound that you took for granted. It's gone.

A strange analogy, perhaps, but that, dear World, is how I feel about losing my Granny. She has loved me since the moment she learned of my existence in my mother's womb, and she never stopped. Her love was the constant background music of my life. Sometimes it was loud, sometimes soft...whatever I needed it to be...but always, always there. And yes, for me...the world is a little less beautiful now that she's gone.

Grief is a deep, multi-faceted thing. Sometimes it's as hot as the tears that roll down your face; a firebrand of loss that is imprinted on your heart forever. Sometimes it's like a rogue wave that unexpectedly swells, and threatens to overtake and drown you in its depth. Sometimes it is merely a dull ache that you carry with you wherever you go. Grief is exhausting. So much so that I sometimes unknowingly shut myself down so that I don't have to ride the roller coaster of the raw emotion that slices through me at random times during the day. I actually have to tell myself, "Let yourself grieve".

A few evenings ago, it was surprisingly cool, and I decided to take my dog for a walk. After we had been walking for about 20 minutes, I paused to let Oliver take a bathroom break. As he sniffed around in the grass, a cool breeze blew by and I closed my eyes to relish the coolness on my face. I became totally still. I could hear the sound of the water sprinklers...of children playing at the nearby pool...Oliver's tags clinking together...and I felt, for the first time in almost 2 weeks, peace and contentment. I knew then, that really....I was going to be ok.

I was reminded that life walks hand in hand with death. That it is indeed, one of the surest parts of life….and I remembered this....

Grieving is a necessary passage and a difficult transition to finally letting go of sorrow - it is not a permanent rest stop.  ~Dodinsky

DON'T Grin and Bear It

I have just recently began reading a new daily devotional. At first, I was kind of leery about reading it because it was written by 4 slightly older ladies. However, I have been pleasantly surprised by the content and the humor contained in each devotional.

It never ceases to amaze me how on time God is. For those of you who don't know, my Granny, has been battling with breast cancer for the last 4 years. Up until just a few months ago she was in remission. Now, however, the cancer is pretty much everywhere. It has been difficult to watch the gradual ebbing away of her life. Yesterday was an especially tough day, as we began to see, for the first time the effects the cancer is having on her brain. I've decided to include a few paragraphs from todays reading. You'll understand why it spoke to me. I hope it helps you as well, World.

You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when...
- you call suicide prevention and they put you on hold
- you put your bikini top on backward and it fits better
-your blind date turns out to be your ex-boyfriend

But just remember, every flower that ever bloomed had to go through a whole lot of dirt to get there. And with the dirt, a lot of watering was needed.

Scientific research indicates that tears--real, wet, human tears--may be the body's mechanism for flushing away harmful chemicals produced during stress. A study at Harvard University showed that people who cried more in response to grief were less likely to suffer heart attacks after losing a loved one. (Previous studies showed that the risk of suffering a heart attack after a loss is fourteen times greater than normal.) Imagine: tears can break the chain of chemical events that lead to heart disease and brain damage.

Crying is the only physiological process that is experienced by humans that animals do not share. Doctors now say that shedding tears is one of the most effective performances of the human body. And there are may uneducated people who know the therapeutic value of a good old fashioned cry: sobbing, wailing, howling, just letting it all out.

You don't have to grin and bear it. You don't to be holier than thou, keeping up a spiritual front that equates tears with weakness and doubt. No, scientists now confirm, what the Bible has said for thousands of years: tears are God's gift to His precious children. When we cry, we allow our bodies to function according to God's design--and we embrace one of the perks He offers to relieve our stress.

Someone said, "God will accept a broken heart, but He must have all the pieces." As He stitches those pieces back together, the moisture of tears softens and makes flexible His strong thread of healing in our lives. Big wet tears are part of the the rich human experience. The people who weep unashamedly are the same ones who live and love with their whole heart and soul. Those who mourn are those who have allowed themselves to feel real feelings because they care about other people.

Do you realize what a gift it is to feel, even when it hurts?

Sometimes allowing yourself to cry is the scariest thing you'll ever do. And the bravest. It takes a lot of courage to face the facts, stare loss in the face, bare your heart, and let it bleed. But it is the only way to cleanse your wounds and prepare them for healing. God will take care of the rest.

They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves [with him]. Psalm 126: 5&6

(c) Joy Breaks: Barbara Johnson

Goofy Glasses!

Did you know that one of these burns up to 6 calories? That engaging in this particular activity inreases your circulation, heart rate, stimulates the immune system, as well as improves the muscle tone of the abdomen?

I know, you must be thinking...she must be talking about doing crunches or push ups or something of the like. Well, World, you would be wrong. I am referring simply to laughing. That's right ladies and gentlemen...laughing. In addition to the facts I've listed above, the magazine Psychology Today reports that laughter increases creativity. It has been found that indiciduals who have a vivacious sense of humor tend to have a more creative point of view when it comes to problem solving than individuals who are more solemn.

Can you believe, that there are even studies that show that companies that advocate their employees bringing a sense of humor to work are more profitable, than those companies who only stress business as usual.

I've said all of this to say the following: " You don't have to be happy to laugh. You become happy because you laugh". I've found that laughter takes even the worst sting out of the most painful situations in life.

There is an age old saying that says, "Laughter is the best medicine". I've found in my limited experience here on earth that this is indeed true. The fact of the matter is that it is God himself who gives us this capacity to be tickled down to the very depths of our being. In fact, in scripture it says, "He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh..."

I've been blessed with a lovely group of friends with whom I laugh probaby more than I breathe. I've been blessed with a family with whom I can do the same. So, I encourage you today world, when life seems a bit too somber, too serious, and too painful to handle...take a moment and take a step back, dig around in your purses ladies, or in you pants pockets gentlemen, and pull out your goofy glasses. Then take another look at your situation. I guarantee you will find something to laugh about.

Laughter gives us distance.  It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.  ~Bob Newhart

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. 

 ~E.E. Cummings

Scripture Verse Found in Psalm 2:4 KJV
Laughter Statistics courtesy of Psychology Today
Article Topic courtesy of Barbara Johnson Women of Faith Joy Breaks

Rain, Rain, Go Away!

I've decided that I will follow the example of Noah and begin building an ark. Ha. Just kidding. Seriously though, with all the rain we've had in our area lately, the thought has crossed my mind. It has been raining for literally a week, with only a few brief hours of reprieve.

Last Wenesday, at around 12:30 A.M. I was awakened to deafening silence and the remote whine of a siren. In my coming out sleep confusion, I realized that the power must be out because my fan was no longer on, and my room was quiet. I thought the siren was an ambulance...until I realized that it it was still going off, 5 minutes after I awoke.

I heard my sister rummaging around out in the living room, presumably looking for matches. " Is the power off?" I yelled out to her. She answered in the affirmative as she poked her head in through my bedroom door. "Is that the tornado siren going off?" "Yes" she replied patiently. "What are we going to do?!" She chuckled and said, "I'm sure we'll be fine. You can come in my room if you want". Now, I'm not one to usually panic in storms. Believe it or not, I actually like storms. But in my still sleepy brain the only thing I could process was that there was going to be a tornado and we live on the 2nd story....we would probably die.

I got out of the bed and made my way into her room. It was eeirly quiet both inside and outside. I peeked out of the blinds, and not one single leaf was stirring, and not one single rain drop was falling. Yet, the sirens continued to sound. Weird. Perhaps it was the calm before the storm. As I sat there, chatting with Jess by the light of the candles, my stomach growled. I decided to get some cookies and head back to bed. By the time I was back in my bed, it seemed all hell had broken loose outside. I once again looked out of the window, but this time I saw trees literally bending over in the wind, rain coming down in sheets, and hail pelting the ground and our cars. "Wow" was all I thought. I went back to bed.

It wasn't until later that afternoon that I found out a tornado had touched down almost directly behind our apartment complex. It had ripped a hole in the front of a church, uprooted numerous trees, and cracked telephone poles in half. And I was in the bed. Not even taking cover in the bathroom. How dumb.

Ever since then it's been raining. And raining. And raining some more. It's not supposed to stop for another 3 days at least. It's gotten really, really old. Ha. This is the time of year that I  love to go for walks, sit outside on my balcony, play with dog out of doors, etc. All of these wonderful activities are impossible in the rain. So, to help assuage my boredom I've decided to compile a list of things I don't like about the rain, and then a list of things I do like about it. Feel free to comment and add your own list!

Things I do NOT like about rainy weather:
1. Taking the dog out to use the bathroom ( Why does it seem like he only takes a long time to find the perfect spot, when it's pouring?)

2. The humidity makes my hair frizzy.

3. I always leave my umbrella in the car( and it never seems to rain when I'm getting out of the car, but it always start just as I'm leaving the store).

4. For people who wear flats, your feet are constantly wet.

5. Old people slow waaaaaay down when driving because they can't see.

6. No evening walks.

7. Puddles have a tendency to be unexpectedly deep and despite your best efforts you usually end up traipsing through water ankle deep( this usually happens when wearing flip flops).

8. Kicks the mold up...which makes me itchy, sneezy, and coughy

Things I LIKE about rainy weather:

1. The way the rain sounds on my window as I'm sleeping

2. The fresh clean smell

3. The little mushrooms that pop up in random places =)

4. Rainy weather = Perfect reading weather

5. It's good chili making weather

The best kind of rain, of course, is a cozy rain.  This is the kind the anonymous medieval poet makes me remember, the rain that falls on a day when you'd just as soon stay in bed a little longer, write letters or read a good book by the fire, take early tea with hot scones and jam and look out the streaked window with complacency.  ~Susan Allen Toth, England For All Seasons

DON'T FORGET TO ADD YOUR OWN!