And Time Goes By....

I'm having a hard time believing that August is almost over. Before you know it will be Christmas time and the eve of a new year. But one thing at a time. I worked late last night and was driving home a little bit after 8. I was surprised to find that the sun was already starting to go down. By the time 9 rolled around, it was almost completely dark.

The days are getting shorter, announcing subtly to the world that one season is about to end and another about to begin. Fall, is as I'm sure I've mentioned before, my favorite time of year. I love the way the leaves look when they're turning colors and falling to the ground. I love how it's cool in the mornings and evenings. I love the smell of bonfires. I love going to pick pumpkins and buying Chrysanthemums for our balcony! Ah, fall!

But, we're not quite there yet. So for the time being I'm still enjoying the summer heat, the fact that the kids have gone back to school, and that my second to last semester of college has begun, as well. As is always the case, my postings may be fewer in number as I dive into the books and expend my creative energies on sucking up as much of the world of Tort Law and Civil Procedure as I can. I will, however, attempt to hammer out at least one post a week and maybe even surprise you with another excerpt from my book, if I can squeeze time in for more writing in that area too.

Oh! And here's a random question, which I really need an answer to. When is it ok, if ever, to ask a guy to dinner? Yes, Blog Land, someone new has caught my eye....but I don't know if I've caught his....should I ask? Or just wait for him to? Would love to hear your opinion on this matter!

Only 2 more days until the weekend!

Happy Wednesday!

Fuel for the Fire

Although there is always fuel for the blog fire in my world, I seem to be at a little bit of a loss as to what I should write. I'm once again tossing around the idea of posting excerpts from the book I started writing about 3 years ago. I have considered posting excerpts before...but I found that the subject was still too close to my heart and not ready to be exposed to the criticism of the masses. I probably have not picked up the manuscript in almost a year...maybe more. Even now, thinking about the things that I have written brings tears to my eyes. In some of the darkest days of my young life I poured my sadness, my anger, hurt, angst, brokenness, and devastation into the words on a page. 


I did it to cope. 


The bulk of the story is finished but what is lacking is a solid ending. I haven't written it because I can only write of what I know...the end remains unseen. I mean...the major event was resolved but, I hate to leave the story there. It's kind of hard to publish a story that doesn't end, but merely stops. 


I'm also hesitant to post excerpts because aside from a few facts thrown in to make it more fun, the book is based largely on events that actually happened. Names have been changed, but all those involved will probably recognize themselves in one character or another and the story line is unmistakably my life. It is not my intent to reflect anyone in a negative light...and I tried to be as fair as I could, however, some people may not like what they read. I would like to avoid starting World War III. 


*Sigh* 


What's a girl to do? I think I'm ready to share my book with the world...but...maybe the world isn't ready? 


What do you think? I'd love to have your input, faithful followers...


To Post or Not to Post...That is the Question!

Rage 2: There Was a Bee

I invite you all to take a peek at the video at the link below. If I had succumbed to the tantrum I so desperately wanted throw, as mentioned in my previous post, it probably would have looked a little something like this....Teehee!



Bee in Her Bonnet Scene from Ever After Movie (1998) | MOVIECLIPS

RAGE

I wanted to throw a tantrum yesterday at work.


I mean like a complete, lose your mind briefly, tantrum.


Run around...push things off of tables, knock people down, pull out my hair, gnash my teeth, scream and yell unintelligbly at the top of my lungs, cry, fall down in the floor and kick and scream...cry some more. 


Um yeah. I was upset.


Actually as I think about it all over again...I can feel my blood pressure rising...caaaaallllmmm...ooooooo saaaaaaa!


HA.


So, on whose front door can we lay the blame for my rage?


Myself.


Yeah, you read correctly. Me. I'm in a rage at myself. For being stupid. For being hopeful. For being a softy. GAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!


For those of you who do not know, I am a Leo. I am also probably one of the most laid back Leos you will ever meet. Yes, I have my bossy moments, but I don't fly into rages at the drop of a hat, and my Leo tendencies toward vanity I can keep for the most part in check. However, I have mastered the perpetuation of a callous and indifferent demeanor, and a sharp and caustically sarcastic tongue that can slice an unsuspecting person to pieces in seconds flat. I'm not proud of these character traits. Flaws, if you will. But they've been carefully adopted to mask a single fact: I am a softy.


Although we are quite masterful at adopting a devil may care attitude, the fact of the matter is that we have the biggest hearts of almost any people you'll ever meet. We love babies. We love animals. We love the underdog. We pretty much just love to love. And we love to be loved. 


Our theme song could very well be Justin Beiber's annoying song, "Love me love me, say that you love me". Haha. Now you'll have that in your head all day long. 


Anyway. I digress.


The reason why we can come off as so indifferent, so callous, so unreadable, is because we're trying to hide the fact that we're actually quite sensitive and that it doesn't take much to hurt our feelings. You'll probably never know that you've hurt them...too much pride for that. 


So back to my tantrum. I was mad at myself because I'm usually quite adept at guarding my heart, guarding my feelings...and yesterday, my poor little Leo heart suffered a blow from which there is no recovering. And I could blame no one but myself. You see, I had fallen for my own charade. Bought into the lie that I myself had perpetuated. Only to find at the end, " Ha..you silly little girl. You care very much. You let your guard down. Some people never change, and you were dumb enough to think with your heart and not your head." 


Now before you all add comments to the effect of, "Rach thinking with your heart isn't a bad thing...you're being cynical, blah, blah, blah", let me tell you that in this case, I knew better. 


Dear God, I knew better. 


GAAAAAAHH! 


Must. Resist. The. Urge. To. Throw. A. Tantrum. REEESSIIIISSSTTT.


Anyway. 


This post is not good writing. It's pretty much just me venting. Sorry World. 


Sometimes ya just gotta let it out. 

To Finish or Not to Finish

So...the whole "starting a blog" thing has kinda got my brain itching to write again( imagine that). About 2 years I started writing a book(for self-therapeutic purposes) and have worked on it sporadically ever since. The book itself, except for the ending is finished, and I have already completed one round of editing. And there I've stopped. It's not that I have writer's block...I mean, the book is for the most part finished, and I would LOVE to get it published. I guess what I'm trying to figure out is if I have the emotional fortitude to pick through the topic of the book again. 

See, the book, ironically enough, closely mirrors some of my own personal experiences, which were at the time were some of the most painful things I've ever experienced. Being the person that I am, I used writing as an outlet for some of the surprisingly strong emotions I was feeling. Am I now emotionally distanced enough to go through the book again without being pulled back down into the rabbit hole of dangerous and life- threatening emotions that inspired it's writing in the first place? Am I? Or should I leave it as it is? Be grateful that it helped through a rough patch, see it for what is...a novel whose sole purpose was to help me keep my sanity, and leave it at that?

What do you think world? Should I blow the dust off of my trusty blue binder, pick up my favorite gel pen, and finish what I started? 

P.S.

If I get brave enough, I may post a few excerpts.