RAGE

I wanted to throw a tantrum yesterday at work.


I mean like a complete, lose your mind briefly, tantrum.


Run around...push things off of tables, knock people down, pull out my hair, gnash my teeth, scream and yell unintelligbly at the top of my lungs, cry, fall down in the floor and kick and scream...cry some more. 


Um yeah. I was upset.


Actually as I think about it all over again...I can feel my blood pressure rising...caaaaallllmmm...ooooooo saaaaaaa!


HA.


So, on whose front door can we lay the blame for my rage?


Myself.


Yeah, you read correctly. Me. I'm in a rage at myself. For being stupid. For being hopeful. For being a softy. GAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!


For those of you who do not know, I am a Leo. I am also probably one of the most laid back Leos you will ever meet. Yes, I have my bossy moments, but I don't fly into rages at the drop of a hat, and my Leo tendencies toward vanity I can keep for the most part in check. However, I have mastered the perpetuation of a callous and indifferent demeanor, and a sharp and caustically sarcastic tongue that can slice an unsuspecting person to pieces in seconds flat. I'm not proud of these character traits. Flaws, if you will. But they've been carefully adopted to mask a single fact: I am a softy.


Although we are quite masterful at adopting a devil may care attitude, the fact of the matter is that we have the biggest hearts of almost any people you'll ever meet. We love babies. We love animals. We love the underdog. We pretty much just love to love. And we love to be loved. 


Our theme song could very well be Justin Beiber's annoying song, "Love me love me, say that you love me". Haha. Now you'll have that in your head all day long. 


Anyway. I digress.


The reason why we can come off as so indifferent, so callous, so unreadable, is because we're trying to hide the fact that we're actually quite sensitive and that it doesn't take much to hurt our feelings. You'll probably never know that you've hurt them...too much pride for that. 


So back to my tantrum. I was mad at myself because I'm usually quite adept at guarding my heart, guarding my feelings...and yesterday, my poor little Leo heart suffered a blow from which there is no recovering. And I could blame no one but myself. You see, I had fallen for my own charade. Bought into the lie that I myself had perpetuated. Only to find at the end, " Ha..you silly little girl. You care very much. You let your guard down. Some people never change, and you were dumb enough to think with your heart and not your head." 


Now before you all add comments to the effect of, "Rach thinking with your heart isn't a bad thing...you're being cynical, blah, blah, blah", let me tell you that in this case, I knew better. 


Dear God, I knew better. 


GAAAAAAHH! 


Must. Resist. The. Urge. To. Throw. A. Tantrum. REEESSIIIISSSTTT.


Anyway. 


This post is not good writing. It's pretty much just me venting. Sorry World. 


Sometimes ya just gotta let it out.