Well, what's the topic today Blogospehere? Pick your poison....actually I'm going to pick it for you.
I've got two topics rolling around in my mind and can't really figure out which one is more blog worthy at the moment.
Decisions, decisions...
Ok...I've got it.
I recently had a conversation with one of my friends about guys.
She asked me, "what does it mean when a guy says he can't give you what you want" but continues to talk to you as if you're still in a relationship?
With as serious a face as I could muster, I told her it means, " Run as fast as you can in the other direction. Do NOT pass go, Do NOT collect $200. Just RUN."
Her eyes got wide and her mouth fell open.
I snorted and then laughed.
I don't think that's what she was expecting to hear. Although I was kidding around with her, I was mostly serious. My own personal experience with relationships has taught me that what's really going on in a guy's head when he pulls the, "I can't give you what you want" is as follows, quoting from a fellow blogger,
‘I’ve told you that I cannot give you what you want. I am giving you a heads up and if you don’t have enough self-respect to move on and you stick around, I am not responsible for any pain that you may experience, even if I continue to get an ego stroke or lean on your shoulder and moan. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that because I’m still around that I’m in a position to give you what you want – I’m not, but I am all out for getting my own needs met if you’re going to stick around and let me use you up.’A bit blunt, but true nonetheless. A decent guy will not only tell you he can't give you what you want, he will actually remove himself from the relationship and move on, allowing you the chance to do the same. A not-so decent guy? He's the one that will stick around to enjoy the fringe benefits, while you remain miserable because although you have a non-relationship relationship (ha, think about that one)it's not the kind of relationship you want, need, or deserve.
Quoting Natalie Lue again,
When a man makes statements like ‘I can’t give you what you want’ and stays in the relationship he’s a lazy man who is reshaping the relationship on his terms and trying to manage down your needs and expectations so that he can get his needs met with minimal contribution while marginalizing your own needs. He knows you’re not ‘the one’ but he’s OK with passing time. He’s saying ‘I can’t be the man you want but if you’re OK with sticking around for some sub par treatment, what kind of man would I be to pass up the fringe benefits?I promise I'm not a she-woman man hater. These are, however, the facts of the matter, as I and plenty of other women have experienced them.
The conversation ended with her being thoroughly disgusted with the male in question and I have to admit, I was a little irritated too. But I couldn't place too much blame on this guy's shoulders. She was, after all, allowing the behavior to occur and we teach people how to treat us by what we accept from them.
She was also looking for a hidden meaning to his words. There weren't any. She simply didn't want to accept the fact that she was being very gently "let down".
Let me clarify, there is nothing wrong with a man telling a girl that he can't give her what she needs. What IS wrong is when after telling her that, he stays in the relationship or non-relationship or whatever he wants to call it. And then he says the girl is acting like a victim because she breaches the subject of his dismissal of her needs. " Well, I told you not to expect anything from me. I told you I couldn't be what you needed". And in his mind his hands are clean. He did, after all, tell you that. It's not his fault you stayed.
Ugh. What complete and utter rubbish.
His hands are NOT clean.
Ok. So maybe I am a she-woman man hater. Haha. I do have a bee in my bonnet and a bone to pick with the men who think they've gotten over on us women.
News Flash: THEY HAVE NOT.
Women of the World! In the words of Mrs. Banks...Cast off the shackles of yesterday!
Ok.
I'll get down from my soap box now.
Thoughts, Blog Land?
All quotes credited to: Reader Question: What does it mean when a man says, 'I can't give you what you want'? By Natalie Lue author of Baggage Reclaim
Well done Weedhoper! Life has brought you swiftly to the absurdities Sin has wrought on relationships, yet I would hope that the simple response of our Flesh to blame the opposite sex for doing what All flesh does would be a brief one, because; It is from this point you may be able to recognize the simple point I attempted to illustrate in our last conversation concerning my relationships a short time ago. While the video may humorously demonstrate the need to throw off the shackles of oppression (which I might add, Women placed there themselves, not the men they blame),It fails to recognize the point I made to you. Those SHACKLES have gone full circle, and we are at a place where JEZEBEL has the audacity to openly proclaim that she will NOT be as you should reasonbly expect in a relationship,but additionally,(she will not function in the BIBLICALLY mandated role for which she was MADE,under the Headship of the LORD) in the relationship either! Hence,a man is faced with the expectation that, for the sake of HER companionship, and as is the Norm of this generation, all of its rewards; HE, as King Ahab,and Solomon, is expected to WILLFULLY place those shackles upon his OWN wrists, and forfeit his GOD given ROLE and Authority as did ADAM in the beginning! This,my dear is the greatest ABSURDITY of all, and one which I would hope you could appreciate the ability and wisdom of your father to recognize, given the temptation to succumb to this INSANITY for all the WRONG reasons. Now I ask, which is a greater ABSURDITY?
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