Lady Bugs

"I wish that this could happen to you, Rach."


This is what my sister, Jess, said to me the other day, as we talked about her new boyfriend. She continued, " I wasn't looking for it, and you were. This should be you."


She's so sweet. Even though she's my younger sister, in a way, she's always taken care of me. When I was 16 and diagnosed with a disorder that carried with it the disappointing news that I'd never have children, she prayed that God would let her have the disorder, and that I could have children like I'd always dreamed I would. She would willingly take on all my pain, my anger, my hurt, and my frustration, if it would make me feel better.


I don't resent the fact that she has found "someone" and I have not. In fact, I'm probably more happy about it than she is. You have to understand, Jess is a free spirit. She wears her hair in an adorably curly afro(even though almost no one else does). Her clothes are often flowly, and always in beautiful earth tones. She floats around, going where she will, and doing what she pleases. She is the only woman, of whom I can say honestly did not need or want to be in a relationship. And yet, she is now in one. And she's happy about it. 


In one of my favorite movies, Under the Tuscan Sun, one of the characters says something that has always stuck with me, during my times of longing and lonliness. She explains, " Listen, when I was a little girl I used to spend hours looking for lady bugs. Finally, I'd just give up and fall asleep in the grass. When I woke up, they were crawling all over me."


Things happen when we least expect it, and often times after we've thrown up our hands and said, "I give up!" I've not mastered it yet, but I am learning that contentment is a beautiful thing. And sometimes, if we can learn to just sit still, and to stop chasing after something that we don't have, something that is not in our power to get, that thing may actually find us.

We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.  ~Frederick Keonig