I Am Who I Am Because of Where I've Been

What is it that makes some people so unpleasant to be around? I definitely have my share of bad days, when I'm sure I'm less than fun to be with, but then...who doesn't? On a normal basis, however, most people at least try to be civil. But what about those "other" people. The ones who aren't so pleasant to interact with?

Each individual person is complex. There are millions of tiny little things that are involved in their make up. Childhood, home life, financial situation, religious upbringing, friendships....the list goes on. In short, people are who they are because of where they have been. In essence, I  am the sum total of my life experiences. 

You may be wondering, dear world, where exactly this is going. I'll explain. I'm currently in a situation where I am forced to deal with someone on a daily basis who can be, shall we say, a little hard to deal with. I am trying to figure out why they are the way they are, in an effort to understand them better and to be less affronted by their behavior. As I discussed this issue with a friend of mine, we came to the conclusion that this person has probably experienced some hurtful things in their lifetime that have left them full of emotional baggage and insecurities. As we further discussed this revelation, I was not sympathetic. My attitude probably sounded something like this, " Boo hoo. So you had a rough life. You have emotional scars. So do millions of other people. That's no reason to be unpleasant all of the time."

My friend, however, quickly convinced me to be a little more sympathetic. She reminded me that we are all human, we all have our baggage, insecurities, and triggers that cause us to act in a way that is sometimes...less than pleasant. She is, of course, right. But when someone is rude or mean to you pretty much all the time...well...it's hard to keep in mind that, "Oh, this person is just insecure because they were bullied as a child".

I don't know what this person's life has been like, but I can guess from their demeanor, attitude, and superiority complex, that some of it was painful. In looking at them I am more aware of how I do NOT want to be. No, my life certainly has not been a bed of roses. Things have gone wrong in the past, and I'm sure that some things will go wrong in my future. The key is remembering what these things have taught me, and to let each painful experience enhance my life, instead of diminishing it; to let my experiences make me better and not bitter. 

Life is not easy for anyone. Why make it more difficult for yourself and others by being rude, mean, overly critical, and generally unpleasant to those who come into contact with you? 

So what am I going to do about this? Heap coals of fire on this poor soul's head. Even though it would be easier to just be nasty in return...I'm going to smile, and be as cheerful and happy as I can be. In the words of an author unknown, "A smile is a powerful weapon; you can even break ice with it". 

Starry Night

I love music. Whether it's the simplest tune or a complex classical piece, music simply speaks to me. It has the power to lull me to sleep at night, to calm my nerves when they're frayed, and it can catapult my soul from rock bottom to level ground. Music is what feelings sound like. 

Every so often, while I'm in my car driving, a song comes on the radio that catches my attention. Sometimes it's the beat, sometimes it's the music itself, and sometimes it's the lyrics. As strange as this may sound, thanks to my radio, I've had some of my rawest emotional experiences behind the wheel of my car. Weird, I know. 

I had one of these experiences not too long ago. I can't even remember now where I was going, or what I was doing (besides driving). I was listening to the local christian station, when a song I'd never heard before came on the radio. It started out normal enough, nothing extraordinary... or so I thought. Then, the chorus started..."I'm giving my life to the only one who makes the moon reflect the sun, every starry night, that was His design."

As the song continued, tears welled in my eyes, and soon spilled down my face. I still can't really pinpoint what it is about this song that evokes such an emotional response in me. They are without a doubt, beautiful words....they express what my mind could not put into words. At the end of the song, the chorus lyrics change a bit to the following:

You see, I can remember many nights, where Jesus changed my life, and He gave me hope when I had none. This same God who created the sun, the moon, and the stars, cares about little, insignificant me. How amazing. How can you not stand in awe of a God like that? How can you not love Him with everything in you? How can you reflect on all of this and remain dry-eyed? I can't. 

I've posted the video below. I hope that you'll find it as beautiful as I did.

Oh I'm giving my life to the only One who makes the moon reflect the sun

On that starry night, He changed my life.

I'm giving it all to the only Son who gave me hope when I had none.

Ramblings of an Aspiring Literatus on....Literature

I am unquestionably an avid reader of, well...just about anything. I have my mother to thank for this, I think. As a small child I can remember her  always having a book lying around. They weren't  just "coffee table" books, they were books she actually read and added to our book shelf when she finished. Books have always been a part of my life.

In elementary school my favorite day of the week was Library Day, when we could go to the school library and check out a maximum of 4 books. I loved The Boxcar Children, Nancy Drew, and The Babysitters Club. Granted, they weren't great works of literature...but I was 8, and a kid has to start somewhere. 

As I matured, so did my taste, and eventually I became a great fan of Gilbert Morris, a paragon in the Christian Romance genre. He kept me occupied for a great part of my pre-teen and teenage years. What girl doesn't love a good clean romance?

I now, however,  very rarely read Christian Romance ( with the exception of Lori Wick) and if you were to look at the bookshelf in my bedroom, you might be surprised at the eclectic nature of what you would see. Books by Frank Peretti, Ted Dekker, James Patterson,Jane Austen, the Bronte sisters, Lisa See, Amy Tan, Gail Tsukiyama, Cathy Lamb, Margaret George. and many, many more.

For the past 6 months, almost all of the books I've bought revolve around a common theme: "Finding Yourself".  Strange? I think not. I believe that when we read, we look for and see our own experiences in the story of the hero or heroine. I feel that for the past 3 years I have been on a journey of finding out who I really am, so it is no wonder I look for stories of women doing the same.  

I love my books. They allow me to leave boring old Indiana, see the world, and live new experiences. An unknown author once said, 

"Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book."

I've been to India, Japan, and China. I've journeyed to England, Scotland, and Ireland. I've gone back to the Bible days and met Mary Magdalene, and battled Spiritual wickedness with Frank Peretti. I've literally laughed out loud with protagonists,  read with tears rolling down my face, and waited with held breath as a murderer was revealed. I'v sighed sympathetically as heroines lost lovers, and smiled giddily as these misunderstandings were set to rights.

I'll freely, perhaps even proudly admit, I am a bookworm.

Many people when asked," what would you do if you had one free day a week, where you could do anything you wanted?" would run through their to do list, 10 pages long, some would say clean, some would say take off to some foreign place for a day trip...but me? My  answer every time would be, brew some coffee, get my blanket, and snuggle up on the couch with a good book. 

"A book is the only place in which you can examine a fragile thought without breaking it, or explore an explosive idea without fear it will go off in your face.  It is one of the few havens remaining where a man's mind can get both provocation and privacy."

  ~Edward P. Morgan

Just Say No!

It is 9 in the evening, I've been awake since 5 this morning, I'm exhausted, lately I've had trouble sleeping, I just took a sleeping pill, and I have a Twinkie and a chocolate Hostess cupcake in my possession. I want to sleep tonight. I also want very much to eat that Twinkie.

You may be asking yourself, "What's the big deal? Just eat the Twinkie!". *Sigh*. Under normal circumstances, I would, in fact, just eat the Twinkie. My concern, however, is that the massive amount of sugar that makes up probably 99.9% of this delicious, cream filled cake, will somehow work against me in my quest to experience a full night of uninterrupted slumber.

BUT. I do believe that at this very moment, from my particular spot on my bed, with the door closed, I can hear that Twinkie calling my name. "Raaaaaccchhhheeelllll! Raaaaaccchhheeellll! It's me, your little Twinkie friend. I'm golden, spongey, soft, and filled with the smoothest cream you ever tasted. C'mon, just take one bite!"

I really want this Twinkie.

I really want to sleep.

I don't want to spend my night tossing and turning because I couldn't exhibit the self-control of a responsible adult and just say no to the Twinkie.

Hmmmmmmm........

Thinking......

Thinking.......

Thinking.......


Deciding...........







Ok...for now, sleep wins. I can only hope and pray that I don't wake up in the morning to  find a wrapper next to me in bed, with sticky fingers and cream on the sides of my mouth!

Marley

Yesterday evening something nearly impossible occurred. My sister and I were both at home. At the same time. And she was cooking dinner.

While to some this may not seem like a big deal, for the two of us, it is. I work a very steady job 7 to 4:30, Tuesday through Saturday. Jess, however, is the assistant manager of a retail store in the mall, and her hours vary from week to week. But most of the time, she works 1 p.m. to 10 p.m. every day. As you can imagine, 2 or 3 whole days may pass before we see each other, since I'm up and out of the apartment before she's awake, and many times, I'm asleep before she gets home at night.

I was sitting on the couch, browsing websites, checking e-mail, etc, and Jess was in the kitchen boiling macaroni and assembling the ingredients for an absolutely delicious taco casserole. She was talking excitedly on the phone to our mom about the newest member of our little, her Betta fish, which she had just bought. As I heard her telling Mom that she had named him Marley and he was getting settled in his bowl, I giggled. Playing in the background was No Woman No Cry, a song by, can you guess who? That's right, Bob Marley. Teehee. As I giggled I turned to look at her and said, "Omg...you named the dang fish after Bob Marley!" She nodded her head and laughed in response. Can you guess what color the rocks are in Marley's bowl? Green and red...the colors in the Jamaican flag. She explained to me that the pet store was out of yellow rocks, but she would definitely be adding them in to complete the Jamaican theme. My sister is cRaZy!

Marley definitely didn't seem to like his new home at first, and for a while we couldn't even see him as he was hiding behind one of the artificial trees Jess has placed in the bowl.

As the evening wore on and we finished our dinner, we relocated from the living room to  Jess's bedroom. If you haven't guessed by now, my little sister is a little bit on the eccentric side, so now instead of vibin' to the mellow sounds of Reggae, we were listening to her Disney movie soundtrack. Ha. Do you know what happened when Under the Sea from The Little Mermaid came on, Internet World? Little Marley came out from behind his tree and started swimming toward the sound of the music! Looks like Marley is one little fish who will be living up to his big name!

It's a Jungle Out There

In my 7:00 to 4:30 workday, there are two times that I can without a doubt say are my favorites. Lunch time and quitting time. Usually when noon rolls around, I head to my apartment which is virtually across the street from my job. Today, however, given the fact that I haven't been to the grocery store in 2 weeks, and that I was in need of some girl talk, I decided to go to Pizza Hut with my friend and co-worker Liz.

Side Note: When we got to Pizza Hut there was a red helicopter in the parking lot. I have no idea why it was there...it simply was.

Now, one of the great things about going to Pizza Hut during lunch time is that for a few hours only, they have an all you can eat buffet, with pizza, pasta, salad, and bread sticks. One of the not so great things? The crowd. The line was so long at the hostess' podium that Liz and I were basically squashed together against the door while waiting to be seated.

When we were at last seated and the waitress had taken our order, we made our way up to the buffet, and prepared to dig in. We grabbed our plates, picked up the spatulas and served ourselves heaping plates of...nothing. Except for a few scraggly looking pieces of pizza and salad, there wasn't much to choose from. We heaved impatient sighs and went back to our table until they could refill the buffet.

After a few minutes, several workers came out from behind the counter, holding trays above their heads. The diners looked around nervously. You could cut the tension with a knife. Who would get to the buffet first? Who would make it before all the pizza was gone?

When at last all the trays were safely on the steam table, madness ensued. I've never seen so many people converge on a single spot so quickly in my life. I'm sure that if a small child had been present, they would have been trampled. Men in business suits pushed there way to the plates, big construction worker guys elbowed their way into line, cutting in front of a group of elderly ladies in the process, and my toes got stepped on. But...I did get my pizza.

As  we sat back at our table, happily munching on our lunch, I couldn't help but giggle at the buffet scene. The pizza had run out again, and hungry customers were pacing in circles around the steam tables, like vultures  or crows circling their prey.

I remarked to Liz my observation that it was like watching animals go to the watering hole. All different kinds of people, all looking for the same thing, and fighting for the best position to get it.

All this pushing, shoving, and stepping on of toes....for pizza. There's gotta be something wrong when otherwise mature and sane adults result to playground antics to see who will get to the pizza first. I mean, really....it IS Pizza Hut....do you really think they're going to run out of pizza?